. . .but I have posted it for you all to enjoy! I stole it from my pastor’s blog, who evidently stole it from someone else. It was new to me, but if you’ve seen it before, it’s worth a re-read and another chuckle.
An email recently came to the Support Department of a leading relationship software company:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow-down in overall system performance. The slow-down was particularly evident in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5. It then installed undesirable programs such as NASCAR 6.0, NFL 5.1 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed, Desperate.
Dear Desperate,
We’re sure we can help you. First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter the command: Ithoughtyoulovedme.html, then try to download Tears 6.2 as you also install the Guilt 3.0 update. If these applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta … In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot integrate new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and overall performance. We recommend Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck!
Signed, Tech Support.
**********
P.S. My experience with Husband 1.0 has been flawless! And I have been blessed always with the abundance of enough. . .
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Funny!
Very funny!
Lingerie 7.7 has to be uninstalled temporarily for advanced applications, though.
The software/hardware interface is important, too!
Hilarious!
Did he warn about viruses?
Oh my . . . that is PERFECT!
My BFF came with Laundry 7.8, Hoovering 2.2, Dishwashing 8.4 and Dusting 3.7 already installed!
I upgraded him with Cooking 1.01 and Grocery Shopping for Dummies.
That’s so funny, I love it! Thank-you Paula.
Priceless
Love this!
I, would be searching for a model 3.0 (1.0 was that mistake or “practice” marriage, and 2.0 reported to a Higher Authority 19 years ago), and generally speaking, I sometimes think putting forth the required application of effort (any level of update) in order to locate an acceptable used model might be more trouble than any return on the investment would be worth.
Some model of Boyfriend, however, might be fun (so long as he were no more settled in his ways than I, and willing to occasionally apply those specialty applications: dinner out, a movie,, or a stroll through the flea market or antique mall.)
Thanks for a great chuckle.
My Hubs is 2.0 because I upgraded the software when I bought him “used.” For 36 years and counting I have found absolutely no reason to waste my time or money or tears on a upgrade! I got the top of the line!
I updated my system package about 20 years ago and I am still happy with the result.
Hubs is a 2.0. I got him used, and upgraded the software immediately upon purchase. It has worked flawlessly for me for 36 years. . .
LOVE IT! Of course, my husband (he’s a 2.0 due to 1.0 being a mistake marriage) is flawless also.
I have a girlfriend who calls this ‘campaign promises.’ In light of where we are at the moment, I think it makes this even funnier.
Actually, my Hubs is is also a 2.0, but I purchased him second hand. I upgraded the software upon purchasing, and I have no complaints!
Priceless.Must share. Immediately.
I know the feeling – I did!