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@TheosTrek, Cost-cutting, Education, Government, Ignorance, money, Parenthood, Public Schools, Rants, teaching
Here I go again. . .
(Image: jennfrancesca.blogspot.com)
The following rant (been a long time since I’ve been on one here in the Blogosphere), has come about as an answer to Doug’s comment on my post of yesterday. It was a terrific comment, and this is not intended to be a rant against his comment, rather it is a rant about the diseases with which society is now plagued – among which is domestic violence – one of the many diseases that has infinite consequences for all of us. Here goes, (and thank you, Doug, for your thoughtful comment!):
Whenever my husband is asked to perform a marriage ceremony, he will not do it unless he has had the opportunity to spend time in conversation with both the bride and groom together and separately. He has made the decision on occasion to decline their request. He wants to make certain that they both know what they are promising to each other – especially in the sight of God. This is obviously not true of all pastors, but it is of many.
I agree that it is not the schools or government that have the responsibility to teach life skills – it is the parents and family. Unfortunately, today it has become all too common for parents to completely abrogate their responsibility in almost all aspects of child rearing, and then complain when the schools try to do at least a little something to prepare them for the time when they are “on their own.”
I have a very dear friend who was a teacher (now retired) in an upstate NY school, who learned recently that the very classes she used to teach are being eliminated as “too expensive.” She taught marriage and family, nutrition, and parenting - basic life skills. So many of her students got pregnant (before she started teaching them 
), ate only junk food because that’s all they got at home, did not know how to shop for or cook good food for themselves, and had no idea what marriage is or should/can be, nor what good parenting is. She, too, bemoaned the fact that such things had to be taught in the schools, but knew that otherwise these kids would never learn anything of everyday value – and thereby end up costing the public far more than any school courses would ever have.
Many of her former students come to her after graduation (sometimes years later) and tell her that they could not have survived on their own without having taken her courses. They learned more from her than from almost any other classes. Of course the same ill-considered “cost-cutting” actions are happening all over the country. They are eliminating music and art education – completely ignoring the fact that learning and studying the arts is directly related to math and science education. The USA is now so far down the list in our math and science scores among the public schools that it is an embarrassment. Unfortunately, it seems most decisions made by local. state, and national government legislators come down to the almighty dollar. They don’t seem to realize that failing to offer complete and well-rounded educations, teaching personal responsibility well enough so that those kids will be able to teach their own (instead of the schools having to), and all such essentials, costs those same communities they think they are saving a few dollars far more in the long run. It costs a lot more money to build and run prisons, use Medicaid dollars treating Type II diabetes among children, and all sorts of preventable diseases than it does to teach a child how to live in harmony with his/her neighbors, or how to shop wisely and eat well, and exercise regularly.
Yes, I believe churches bear part of the responsibility of teaching such essential things – teaching that the body is God’s temple, and requires careful stewardship, and how to treat our neighbors, indeed how to love, and understanding what love is. Some churches have quit emphasizing those things in favor of placating their congregations instead of challenging them, all to win more seat-warmers and more dollars in the collection plate (that $ again!). But it is hard for churches to emphasize and teach such behavior when fewer and fewer people attend, nor even care to, or they might “just drop the kids off at Church School” and pick them up later. The child most often only learns that “if it’s not important to them, why should it be important to me?”
It seems in many ways we have become such a consumer-obsessed society, that the only thing considered worthwhile in life is more money, more things, more of everything except what really matters. “The pursuit of happiness” has been replaced with “The pursuit of stuff,” as though they are somehow one and the same thing. The axiom “Charity begins at home,” (which many erroneously attribute to the Bible – click on link for an explanation), has been twisted to mean something akin to complete self-centeredness, taking care of “Number 1,” rather than as it was intended: The lessons of charity (love) are taught first at home, so that they may be learned, practiced, and taught to each generation. If charity really began at home, then we would have very little need for many of the things that are expected by negligent parents and guardians to be taught by someone else (if taught at all). Over the last few decades, that has become more and more the case. In a way, it is not the parents of today who are completely responsible. How can they teach something they never learned themselves?
Each of us who understands the principles of happy and joyful living need to be teaching these principles – not by tracts-giving, Bible-thumping, or soap-box orating (which I am doing now!), but by living those principles every day. Actions speak far louder than words. It happens that I am a Christian (or doing my best to be one), but the principles I speak of are not exclusive by any means to Christianity. A belief if God is not required to teach such things – living in charity with one’s neighbor just makes good sense – and it is enormously less expensive for society in the long run.
I do not rise in the morning nor lie down at night without asking God to help me be the person that behaves, and not just talks, what she believes. I know that many time I fall woefully short, but each day I do make an effort to be louder in my actions than my words (which judging by the length and tenor of this post would have to be pretty darn loud!).
More than once my mother asked me, “Paula, if you were to be accused of being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?” Substitute any symbol you choose for “Christian,” and the same question applies. Walking the walk of love is far more important than talking the talk of love. The walk of Love is one of the few things in life of which there can never be enough. . .
(As Nancy says, “Ahhh. . .that’s better!”)
I see you have just received an honourable mensh from Kate Shrewsday.
Governments have caught the money bug not the p[people bug. The political parties battle to gain money to get elected, so their values become skewed.
I think your hubby is great, refusing to marry people who haven’t realised what they are going into in a marriage. I bet he has saved those couples from divorce later.
Putting what you have said so well in another way, the whole fabric of society is being woven from cloth which is increasingly inferior, and much of the rationale behind that is cost-cutting. Surely it doesn’t take any great intellect to see that the most important thing of all in building the human race – rather than letting it stagnate into cesspools – is the quality of the youth. All investment in that is guaranteed to produce rich dividends later.
The trouble is that we are already in a self-perpetuating cycle. Parents who were stinted are now stinting their children, and so it will continue.
The church is partly to blame in that it seriously needs to discard myths and illogicalities, and move bravely into doctrines which will engage intellects as well as emotions. Blind belief is not enough. The belief needs to be based in something that makes total sense in the light of all knowledge we now possess of how things are and have been. We have, in effect, outgrown many of the allegories, and they need to be scaled up.
Throwing money at it has apparently made it worse in this country. Most churches have become more liberal and ditto.
Well said, Paula. Thanks!
The response to your rant has been eye opening. It is revealing that cohabiting unequally or disrespectfully touches someone almost everyone knows first or second hand.
Great post, Paula. I am filled with a growing sense of foreboding as I realise that the majority of people seem to be desensitised to the harm caused when we ignore or cut our attention to these vital facets of our lives. In my country people are gleefully allowing ‘stuff’ to blind them to what is the key to happiness. We are considered eccentric because we choose a scruffy house and charity shop clothes so that I can be with the children. Yet you have hit the nail on the head when you say these parenting and family skills are not just a lesson: they are a key which unlocks something more powerful than money or material things: it unlocks true happiness. The appreciation of the now, and what is ‘enough’. Which is priceless.
A most worthwhile oratory from your soapbox, Paula. Sadly, this is but one symptom of many . . . there is so much that has somehow been derailed in recent years.
I am not a student of other faiths, nor a particularly good student of my own for that matter, but we Christians were given such a simple road map: 10 Commandments, 1 Golden Rule and pretty specific directions for staying on the road in Matthew 7:13-14:
“13 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
“14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”
Simplistic? Probably. But, if we’d all learned these lessons and learned them well, there probably would be no need to lament the messes that have been made. Because we didn’t learn the lessons (regardless of from whom), thank heaven there are folks like you who are willing to stand up and shout about it — if the message reaches even one who needs to hear, it will be a start!
Too many camels, and only one needle’s eye. . .but that eye is a passageway for many different types of camel!
Glad my soapbox oratory was to your liking!
I keep my soapbox under my desk. It was getting sort of dusty, so I pulled it out, cleaned it off and stepped up!
Great post. I believe that you can’t teach someone how to love…just show them. Marriage should be harder to get into and harder to get out of. Kids need self-discipline these days more than just about anything in the world, except love. Just some thoughts of my own.
Your thoughts are right on target! Thank you, Sandra! I remember reading a comment by Horace Mann: “One of the most valuable lessons of life that can be learned is the discipline to do a job when it needs to be done, despite your lack of desire to do it.” (That is an approximation of what he said – I don’t remember the exact words, but I certainly took to heart the message. It is a lesson I am still trying to learn!)
Me too, Paula, me too
How true, how true! Exactly why I say, learning how to make a family comes from your family.
Yup, and if the family doesn’t exist or doesn’t have family values of any kind…the child will be damaged if no one steps in.
Our world is filled with damaged children. . .and the result – damaged adults (in age only, because damaged children tend to remain as childish people – as opposed to child-like – for their entire life, unless some help or awakening occurs.).
Sandra,
You just said a profound thing. Marriage is getting too cheap and easy. Divorce is getting too easy, expensive and happy (for some). In my courting years, people saw rewards in marriage and sadness in separation. Entities are rapidly taking away or blocking those incentives.
Doug
I keep thinking what my brother, Harry, USAF, said was the cause of trouble in all the world was, “Break-up of the family.” You, Paula, describe the “Why” of break-up’s. I also quote my long time attorney’s comment as he is involved in many family “squabbles” he described, “MANY DON’T KNOW WHAT TRUE LOVE IS.” To me, that is the spiritual meaning of Love because the source of Love is God.
Ann
Among the many things that the nature of God embodies, the greatest of these is Love! Thanks for commenting, Ann. I am pleased that you appreciated this post.
You know what. I wrote this long comment ranting with you and when I went to publish, it disappeared– and probably for the best, lol. It doesn’t take a village to raise children, it takes parents with a bit of common sense and mostly commitment. Some say marriage and Christians are a thing of the past. so little faith have they.
Great post, Paula!
I sure wish you would find your rant! Maybe if you do, you can make it your own post! That’s how this one happened, and all because of Doug’s comment from the Domestic Violence poem.
Thanks, Dannie, as always!
Rant on, rant on!!! That’ll preach!
Hubs
Glad you approve, Preacher!
Well said, Paula. Well said…
Thank you, Dawn. And I still haven’t said it all! But, being the way I am, I probably never will. . .:lol:
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Paula You saved me a lot of typing and I could not have done so near a good job of ranting this message. You hit the nail when you said it is all of us who bear the responsibility to teach the ones who are not getting it, or getting it wrong, at home or where ever they are getting it. Society at large is the responsible party. My rhetorical question was to point out just what you said so well.
Thank you Doug! Your excellent comment started it all!