(Because of the length of this post, I am dividing it into two separate entries, hopefully to make it easier for you all to digest. Part 1 can be found here. Part 3 has already been completed, and will be automaticlly published tomorrow morning.)
At the end of Part 1, our children and partners, good friend, baby, and dog were prepared to share a house for at least a year, primarily for financial considerations. Through a lot of work and research, A and A-B had managed to find a house that most closely suited their needs.
I want my readers to know that Hubs and I feel that there are at least four sides to this whole story, and each time we hear one of those sides from one of the parties involved, we try to listen with four-way ears. In the final analysis, however, no matter how much we might bend over backwards to be completely objective about what is happening, that is, as I have said numerous times, ad infinitum, an impossibility. Everything is being presented to you through my eyes, my own perspective.
Before the final decision to move in together was made, before the lease was inked with their signatures, C-A and A-B had several conversations by telephone and in person. C-A wanted to make absolutely certain that everyone understood exactly what they were signing up for. In addition to the five adults, there was an infant and a dog that were part of the mix. Everyone understood. Plans were finalized, packing done, moving accomplished. Then came the initial period of adjustment – which was to be expected.
To all this, add to the situation that A-B suffers almost constantly from migraine headaches. and from my and Hubs’ point of view is undergoing distinct personality changes or fluctuations – undoubtedly exacerbated by the moving stress and other physical problems. At the same time, C-A is undergoing a bit of postpartum depression. She is breast-feeding the baby, but because she is an intensely private person (in the physical sense), she is not altogether comfortable feeding her baby in “public,” so she must do this in isolation. Consequently, she will begin to feel more and more isolated “downstairs.”
It took about three months for C to find a job that he felt was a match to some of his talents. He has two degrees, one in business and one in finance, in addition to being a golf pro, and having managed the pro shop at a fine private golf course on the Outer Banks. Once the reality of Fatherhood hit him, he realized that he could not realistically make a living on golf, so he elected to find another job out this way with good benefits that would cover all of them. After a tense time of searching, that came to pass.
Here is where things started getting very dicey, and because there are so many different aspects that entered into the situation at that time, I have decided not to complete these posts as I had originally planned, and to omit from here many of the details that are part of the ongoing drama. If any of them have read this, they know who they are, as do most of my regular readers, I’m sure. After due consideration, Hubs and I have decided to meet with both couples separately and try to see if a reconciliation is possible.
The horrifying details started mounting up this past Spring – stress abounded in the house, as A-B decided that the upstairs inhabitants of the house were allergic to the dog, and so she did not want the dog upstairs at all. This was very difficult for C-A, because she and the dog were quite inseparable; she felt that since the dog was an initial part of the “bargain,” that this was unfair, and further isolated her.
A-B ramped up her vigilance in creating a “gluten-free” kitchen, which became an even greater hardship for everyone else. She became increasingly distressed about the presence of any gluten in the kitchen or on any kitchen surfaces or appliances. What was originally intended to be a “shared kitchen” was rapidly becoming something entirely different. In addition, due to her headaches, the aroma of coffee that C and C-A were brewing in their quarters downstairs was making her ill, and they were going to have to find a way of preparing it so the smell did not reach her bedroom. The stress of the move and everything attached along with her increasing concern over the symptoms she suffered due to her celiac disease, prompted her to quit school at mid-term.
Around mid February, A-B got pregnant. She and A were very excited about that, and were making plans to up the wedding date. As much as we looked forward to another grandchild, we were also concerned about their financial situation, since neither she nor A were insured, and their money reserves were nil.
Because difficulties at the house were mounting, C and C-A decided to investigate finding a house or apartment of their own. They knew that their current lease was for one year, so if they found a place of their own, they would have to find suitable renters to sublet their portion of the house for the remainder of the lease period. Misunderstandings abounded, and accusations of abandonment abounded, and A-B had a miscarriage which she blamed on C and C-A and the stress that their possible move had put on her. A and C felt they owed some loyalty to their partners and their partners’ sides of things, and disagreements between the always close brothers also erupted.
End of Part 2, Part 3, the onclusion will be posted tomorrow morning. For today, enough. . .