Their current landlord was very kind and agreed to let them out of their lease, so no one was left in a financial lurch, and A and A-B found a house perfect for them to rent, and C and C-A, along with D, found a nice townhouse for the three of them and the baby. However, because so many angry words were thrown around and accusations made, both C-A and A-B have completely broken off any friendship they ever had; they refuse to be in the same room with one another, and because the brothers each decided to try to support and understand their own spouse’s feelings, neither of the women will see or visit with their brother-in-law. It means the baby can no longer interact with the Aunt and Uncle she really loved, and vice versa. Recently, the brothers have been in contact with one another, and they have manged to regain their good relationship, although they must interact away from their significant others.
I will close this ugly and sordid story by saying that Ashley and I are crushed and deeply affected by the inability of four people, supposedly adults, who cannot see beyond their own childish and selfish pride, their Ego (as Nancy hatch would say), to let go of their anger and hurt, and come to a mutual respect for one another, once again. The fact that we cannot all be together at the same time, in the same room is beyond my and Hub’s comprehension and understanding. it is so hard. It is beyond painful. While it is true that they hurt each other, refusing to forgive one another is eating away at each of them as they stubbornly refuse to communicate with one another, and attempt to block the brothers from their own relationship.They all are feeling unhappy, they appear to think that their unhappiness is someone else’s fault, and that somehow continuing their fight and hanging on to hurt feelings and anger will make them happy. I want to ask each of them, like Dr. Phil McGraw, “And what’s that doin’ for ya?”
There is a glimmer of hope in my heart today, however. I had a wonderful talk yesterday with a very close friend, who served as an excellent sounding board for my concerns. We prayed together and both of us have been praying separately over the situation since it began. For the first time, I awoke this morning with a renewed energy, and a sense of clarity on the whole issue. At least for myself, I have hit upon a way that I can approach all of the parties involved. I do not intend to interfere with their behavior among themselves, but where it concerns Hubs and me, I am going to have my say. First and foremost, I love each and every one of them. There is nothing that any of them could possibly do, individually or collectively that would make me stop loving them. Ever. But I am going to make very clear to them the consequences of their own behaviors that extend way beyond themselves and affects many more people than just themselves. Their impasse is untenable from my point of view. While I hope and pray that they will come to some sort of mutual understanding and trust, I know that I am not the one who will or can solve their problems. They must do it, and do it not just for their own sakes, but for the sake of family unity.
During the course of this ongoing battle, parties from both sides have suffered major health problems, which they have not shared with one another, and have requested that we not divulge. At the times when they most needed the support of their whole family and their friends, they have cut themselves off from it, and made their physical problems, emotional problems, and adjustment problems all the worse. It is so hard! I am grateful for the clarity of thought that has come to me, and I hope that before too much longer, the “better angels of their natures” will come to prevail. In the meantime, I thank you all, my Gentle Readers for hearing me out. I am quite certain that at least a part of my ongoing battle with insomnia can be attributed to our house being divided against itself. I believe that ultimately the house will not fall, but I do not know how long the process of reparation will take. If any of you have had experience with this sort of family problem, please weigh in with your comments.
I am completely sure, that at least as far as Hubs and I go – we have had enough. . .