The Door-to-Door Salesman
“Excuse me, Madam, I see you’re a housewife!
You’re lucky! I have some great things for you –
Improved this year – to make your wife-life
Almost pain-free! A breeze through and through!
Have you ever thought that each chore you don’t finish
Is subtracting the fun from your husband’s marriage?
Doesn’t the master of household and home
Deserve a wife he need not spurn nor disparage?
Now, pardon, ma’am, but most housewives are ignorant
Of our products – sure to make man’s life easier.
Allow me to enter and show you my wares – Look!
This one will keep your cheese tasting cheesier!
As hard as, I know, that is to believe
Lady, you ain’t seen nothing yet!
With my magic gadgets in your kitchen drawers
You’ll never plead “headache” or play “hard-to-get!”
You’ll never again feel days stretch to months,
And each year feel like it’ll last an eternity.
Just see all I’ve got – you’re sure to want it
Each one guarantees you a life of modernity.
I have more than tools, I’ve got balms and salves
This one, for instance, will take out the sting
Of those nasty cuts and black and blue marks
Oh dear! Your man must have one “killer” swing!
You’ll see! Once he knows how much nicer your life is –
(Look how easily this gets the zest off the rind) –
You’ll be more relaxed – have more time for him
He won’t need to “teach you,” he’ll be more kind.
Put an end to your problems the safe, easy way!
With the right tools to be a good housewife,
Sometimes you can get back that nice man you wed,
Who plays with his children and not with a knife.
Hey Lady! Are you crying? Is it something I said?
The life of a housewife I know can be tough –
‘Specially on hot summer days like today is,
In fall’s cooler weather, he won’t be so rough.
Buy my tools, keep your house up, be silent and meek;
The kids must be quiet – mind their P’s and Q’s;
Don’t interrupt while he’s watching his ball games;
And remember he loves you – it’s not really abuse.
I never dreamed that I would end up with a poem on domestic violence. The words just led me in that direction, and I went along with them. In any event, I’m taking this opportunity to cast a little light on an organization that works 24/7/365 against a horrible crime: The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Take a moment to click on the link and visit their site to learn more (the door-to-door salesman of the poem certainly needs an education!) about the consequences of such acts not just upon the individuals involved, but upon society as a whole. I believe that we have all had enough. . .