Got another one of those “Forwards” that is too good not to pass on, in other words, to “Forward” along again. Please be my guest and keep on “Forwarding” it on. . .
I hope you enjoy these examples of the genius of Will Rogers, combined, with some of my own genius or superb example of my lack of it (in blue):
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.
Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco. I have made it my policy to just never slap a man. Period. So far, so good. . .
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. I wouldn’t kick one – at least on purpose – on any day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. Here he is absolutely right. All men take note.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Those chances are the ones I seem to miss most every time one comes along.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd. I accept that as an axiom, especially when I am upstream from a herd. . .of anything.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. Good advice – unless you can dig yourself out.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. I’ve learned how to double it, just not how to put it back in my pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. Which must mean there are at least three kinds of women: Those who always read the directions first; those who learn to let other people do whatever it is for them; and of course, the rest of the women who laugh at all those men peeing on the electric fence.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. If only there was a fixed time from one to the other.
10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there. So, why ride at the head of the herd? Ride behind the herd and you never have to look back; of course from that perspective, the scenery never changes, either!
11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back. Just leave the poor cat alone.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut. Besides, it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER…
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. It depends upon how you look. Think about it, if I’m 75 years old, but look like I’m 175, I’ll either keep lying, and say I’m 180, or just keep my mouth shut, and make ’em wonder.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Because we have all become too polite or too feeble to cut ahead in line.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved. Shoot! In some cases there weren’t even roads.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Huh?
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. And the leaks that dry up stink to high heaven!
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. I’m not certain I even know where the top is.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young. Odd. He has just made six points about how growing old isn’t so great; must mean he never got old – his wisdom certainly hasn’t!
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. And wake up the next morning to remember.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Except for arthritis, bursitis, lumbago, sciatica, shingles, etc., etc.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf. Today, when women curse and beat the ground with sticks it’s called being a “golf widow,”
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old. And here I thought getting old was going to be so much fun.
Well, it was fun for me! Hope you had enough. . .