I’m just sayin’. . .

If any of you, as bloggers, mind you, had experienced what I have over the past couple of weeks you might possibly be thinking similar thoughts that I am now.

If ever I wanted no pity, that time is now.  If ever I wanted anyone not to say, “Poor Paula,” that time is now.

I wake each morning with prayer and close that prayer with, “Today I will be happy. I am happy.  That is my choice. It is my choice alone.”

For the past couple of weeks, I have been lying to myself, because, folks, I ain’t happy.  It bothers the hell out of me that I have allowed computer technology, and more specifically “That Which Shall Not Be Named,” to get the better of me.  I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face.  Hard.  More than a few times. And those slaps have drained every ounce of inertia, energy, excitement or fun out of me.  I want to go to a resort in the Caribbean, lie in the sun, float on the waves, have service personnel (who I would tip quite well with all that extra money I will have because I was able to make the trip there in the first place) bring me Piña Coladas, which would of course make me very very thin and svelte because there are no calories in coconut, pineapple juice and lots of rum.

Some of my writing is going alright.  Most of it is laughable (which might not be a bad thing – I may be offered a couple of hundred dollars for some of it soon – it is to be included in a chapter of a book by someone else, entitled:  “Aspiring Writer – Don’t Write Like This.”  (I know, I know – I stole that from an old “I Love Lucy” episode.  Since the episode aired at about 5 a.m. or so recently, that’s one more sad element to add to all this crap.  Not only was it on, but I watched it, remember it, and will even admit now that in order to avoid any hint of plagiarism, I have changed the name of Lucy’s chapter, which I also remember very well.)

I have been on the wrong side of something technology-wise because I have twice – not once, but TWICE in the past two weeks been robbed of my writing, (happened again last night which is why you are now feeling that towel I have thrown in), either by my computer (Sonya, I love, ya’ Hon, but it better not be your fault), or the broadband service sold to me by “That Which Shall Not Be Named.”  Of course my best writing will always be the writing that is lost, but lately I’m thinking that might be true.  and robbing me of my best stuff is a plot.  It’s a plot by the Northwest Territories. (I’ve finally arrived at the conclusion that they just don’t like me up there.) I received advice on a way to draw in at least one reader from NWT of Canada.  I wrote the perfect, three-stanza (8 lines each) poem and followed it up with one of my signature “enough” closings.

The advice given me was to mention Kevin Koe and Curling.  I went to a great deal of trouble to find out as much about curling as I could and about the illustrious Kevin Koe.  The poem was the perfect inept blend of error and wit (of course it was perfect, what else would I say?  I’m happy, remember? HAPPY!)

I am not computer illiterate.* I generally know what most of the bells and whistles mean, how to turn them on and/or off, and if I don’t know them, I know how to find out about them.  Besides, I have a big brother who is a computer genius.  Always nice to have one of those around.  Add to that, our good old WP “Happiness Engineers” have discontinued engineering happiness, or at least for me they have.

*I’m not what a true computer genius would call literate, either, but there are actually some people who come to me for help with their computer-based problems, and I am actually able to help.  Like one time, I asked my “client” if her computer was plugged in.  Since it wasn’t, her problem was solved, once she followed the illustrated instructions in my most recent book, “Computer Plugging for Dummies.”

I just told you all that because, as much as I know you are itching to solve this problem for me, and even feeling sorry for me (against my explicit wishes), please do not respond with helpful information such as, “Have you tried restarting?” or “Do you save your work regularly?” (the answer to that one is no, if every 3 minutes is not regularly enough), or “Try going through your trash bin on WP, or your Recycle bin on your hard drive.”  There are a number of other similar suggestions I have received from time to time.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am grateful and pleased that complete strangers would take any sort of time or have the desire to try to help me with my technology problems.

For now, my dearest Gentle Readers, I’m packing it in. I know myself well enough and God well enough that this is probably not the end for me, blogging wise.  This long harangue is not meant to make my stupid complaints seem greater than anyone else’s, because I know how dark and deep things have been for me, and that even darker and deeper places exist – I’m not even close to any of those places.

I guess I’m just WAY OVER THE TOP MAD AND ANGRY AND FED UP.  The reason I don’t want or need your pity is because I’m doing that for and by myself quite well. I’ve gotta go now.  I’m taking my daily walk to the mailbox, checking for that wad of cash and the airline tickets to the above-mentioned resort.  It could happen.   Of course, wouldn’t you know – I don’t have a passport.

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Love everybody, and like the ones you can. That’ll be enough. . .

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