Sidey’s theme this week is “Umbrella,” and no, Sidey, I don’t believe you have used that one before, but you should never worry about repeating – after all, there is nothing new under the sun. And if you were under the sun you’d use a parasol, not an umbrella!
If your day grows cloudy,
and gloominess your style
Put a handle on a rainbow
and let that bumbershoot be your smile!
Umbrellas come out when it rains,
over drab coats and overshoes.
But if you use a bumbershoot,
you’ll chase away the blues.
I’ve never seen a bumbershoot
that did not make me smile
I’ve even found, of late, the word
instead of cussing, is worthwhile.
But when I feel that I must cuss,
Or I don’t feel like a smile,
It leads to a conundrum:
What word befits a genuine rile?
If the purpose of profanity
is just to blow off steam
Or pop the cork before the gas
Shoots out and rips each seam,
Then maybe we can end it all
By turning down the heat –
The non-toxic flame retardant
“Bumbershoot!” can’t be beat.
Say it before you get too hot,
Or even if you’re cool
Because it’s such a magic word
It should become the verbal rule.
Just remember that one’s bumbershoot
should be made with every hue
Except umbrella blacks and grays
Those will never do.
So snap those ‘brella handles
right off, but preserve the spines
Use them to snag that rainbow
And stretch them over your frown lines.
Edgar Guest or Eric Idle
would do a better job
Of making pithy verse like this
Not sound like a thingamabob.
But ’til that poem comes along
This one must substitute
To give ill-tempered people
And those with mouths of ill-repute
Another word besr to use now now,
Instead of “s—” or “f— you, brute!”:
Just put a handle on a rainbow
And let loose with “BUMBERSHOOT!”
Apologies to all for the utter nonsense that has preceded these words. . .my excuse might be lame – you see, I’m out of practice writing fluff, and junk, and well, you know – oh forget it! BUMBERSHOOT! That’s enough. . .