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Hey! At least it’s only my license that has expired!

How many of you read the title with the definition being like an expired license, as it is no longer a valid form of identification, making it “in-VAL-id?”

How many read it as the definition of a person confined to bed or wheelchair, or home, chronically ill, or near death, therefore pronounced “IN-va-lid?”

The fact is that the same word is used to describe two nouns, that while similar in meaning, nevertheless have two entirely different connotations and uses.

Because of a steadily growing set of symptoms, at the moment still idiopathic, although a number of theories are being explored, I have entered the realm of “IN-val-id.”  I cannot begin to explain or describe my feelings about this designation. My car keys have been turned in, I no longer have a driver’s license (so it really is “in-VAL-id!”), and we are having to make a number of architectural changes in our home to make it easier to operate my motorized wheelchair.  At present I have a home health nurse that visits twice weekly – to keep tabs on me –  and an occupational therapist to help with some of the functional adjustments I am being forced to make, and a physical therapist, to make certain that I keep as many of my muscles in tone as possible. Day by day my independence is whittled away.

I have had a very hard time (and continue to have) adjusting to not walking about as usual.  It’s especially hard because I am able to walk, it’s just that I  shouldn’t walk, because the main troublesome symptom that is attacking me is that I fall and/or faint frequently (sometimes several times a day), and I have recently learned that I have osteoporosis that has reached a very severe stage, Consequently, after a full body bone scan, it has been discovered that I have compression fractures in three places across my pelvic area, plus three compression fractures of my ribs on the right side. These fractures, after three months continue to be quite painful.  Anyway, because of all of these things, my wonderful family Doctor, and internist, has insisted that I remain in my wheelchair, and walk only as much as is absolutely necessary.  I receive the delivery of a bedside commode (for nighttime needs), which will be delivered next week, and I have already allowed myself to become a bit weepy over it.

I am only 63-year-old, not 93!  Besides, I expect that a 93-year-old person would find it all just as humiliating.  However, at the same time, I am grateful to be alive.  I can still enjoy the company of  my dear husband, and my children and my precious granddaughter Zoë.  As a matter of fact, if my pelvis gets healed up enough to tolerate the 9-hour car trip out to see her, we will have our own celebration of her 4th birthday, which was actually on September 7.  This year was our first year since her birth not to be with her on her birthday, but I will be taking plenty of photos of her when we do see her, hold her, and converse with her – which going by our telephone conversations should be a riot! You will all be subject to viewing her growing beauty and even more charming self.

So, my dear Gentle Readers, you now know the truth about the reasons for my sporadic posting.  I am still writing a great deal, but fatigue keeps me from meeting daily or even weekly deadlines as far as this blog goes, and my outdoor forays for photography’s sake have been curtailed a great deal.  I have decided to  begin working on indoor, portrait and still life photos, and snapping some photos through the window when I can get things set up correctly.

Be it known, I refuse to become an “in-VAL-id” member of my family and the world at large, even though the role of “IN-val-id” is taking  center stage in my manner of living.  Above all, I ask you not for sympathy!  The last thing I need is people feeling sorry for me.  If this is the way my life is going to be (something in a million years I never would have dreamed up for myself), then I’m going to make the best of it. Why not?  I promise to you all that I will whine as little as possible about it all, but most of you know me well enough to know that i will always find reasons to kvetch about my situation! Above all, pray for my Hubs – surely the most wonderful and patient man in the universe, who is being wonderful about all the changes in our lives – and works like a Trojan to keep the household humming along.  He needs constant prayer to give him strength for the journey.  My love and appreciation for him grows daily and exponentially.

I have been blessed far more than anyone I know with the bright and satisfying abundance of enough. . .

P.S.  This was written on Sunday, when I was more blue than usual, so forgive the tone.  I really am happy to be alive, and I still laugh a lot.   And financially, things have eased up for us – always a bonus.  Besides, I can think of a lot of people who would love to loll about in bed all day!  Lucky me!  I have been “ordered” to!  Cheers!  BTW, I spent some time last night updating my “Landscapes…” page on my photo blog, so if you are interested, take a look!  There is a ton of photos there now.